


a secret place where we can stay

by acastle



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Brief Mentions of Blood, Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Heartache, M/M, Realization, Running Away, brief brief mentions of non-consensual recording
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:11:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4516158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acastle/pseuds/acastle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do you need? To feel like living?" he asks him quietly, intertwining their fingers together. Kisses the shell of his ear as he waits for him to reply.</p><p>It takes some time, but eventually, he answers, "A pause button."</p><p>He thinks for a moment, runs his hand through his hair, and he knows what to do.</p><p>"Do you want to run away with me, for a bit?"</p><p>(Niall and Harry run away for a bit when things go awry, and find where they stand with each other, not really by accident.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	a secret place where we can stay

**Author's Note:**

> I was writing another fic, then this one happened. I don't know if it's okay, but this one hurt the most when I was writing it, for some reason. It's not my usual, and I'm scared of posting this one, but. If there are any mistakes with pronouns or names, I'm sorry, I wrote this with the idea of it being an original in mind, but it didn't feel quite right. And my characterization, lord, my characterization. I'm sorry if it's not consistent. I tried my hardest, but I still feel like I fell short. But anyway.
> 
> Click the link when it comes up. It's a beautiful song.

Harry didn’t quite know what to expect when he arrives at the offices, just after eleven in the morning.

He’d seen the pictures, the video. And it’s not like he’d never seen Niall naked, or with a girl, with a bloke, or even doing sexual stuff. He’d been on the receiving end of those burning looks, had seen him come undone beneath him, above him, surround him everywhere. He’s experienced coming undone under those fingers, under that mouth, with that cock, though he doesn’t know where they lead.

But this was different. Someone with no life, no decency, had leaked some old photos, when his hair was so bright and blonde, braces visible seen in a few of the pictures, freckles stark on his pale skin. The video. He hadn't even been able to see the whole video, making himself stop when he realizes Niall doesn't even know he was being recorded, on his knees and his mouth full. He couldn’t have been more than eighteen or nineteen in them, and Harry had felt his stomach drop when he’d checked the notification from Liam.

Not Niall. Any of them, just not Niall. That was how they had always felt, though Niall never needed that kind of concern. He could handle it, he always did. But this was different. This was disgusting.

Harry’d been called to the offices maybe twenty minutes ago, and when he enters the conference room, they’re all there, waiting. Louis and Liam are seated next to Niall on one side of the table, and they’re doing their utmost to.

Well, he doesn’t quite know. But Louis is showing him something on his phone, prodding and smiling and it irks Harry. It irks him because he knows that Louis's trying to make him feel better, but he knows when Louis is trying to pretend that things aren't that shitty. He's definitely pretending now, laughing too loudly and punching at his nipples and no. He knows Louis loves Niall, but no. This isn't the way to do it. Liam is flanking Niall's other side, more quiet and looking serious. Asks him an occasional question whenever Louis pauses to breathe, and it's such a strange energy in the room. Harry doesn't know how to describe it, really.

He looks at Niall, and he's smiling, laughing loudly as he always has, but Harry sees that his eyes aren't as bright. Aren't as sincere as they usually are, that his laughs sound hollow, that he knows that Niall has never really cared what people have thought of him, what they say about him, but it's different when trust is involved. It's different if someone breaks his trust to ruin his name.

"Good of you to join us, Harry," Louis notices him them, eyebrow quirked as Harry takes a seat beside him. Harry just looks at Niall, though, watches him lean back in his chair and take in the room before him, grin on his face but not in his eyes.

He wants to speak with him then. Pull him aside and ask a million questions, ask him how he’s feeling, if he needs anything, if there’s anything he can do, but more than anything, it makes him want to hold his hand and sit with him. Be with him and maybe they’d talk, maybe they wouldn’t, but what he wants more than anything is just to be there for him, because he loves Niall. He loves him, even if the lines are blurred on their relationship, even if they’d never explicitly said anything about where they stand, he knows that his feelings aren’t completely unrequited. He’s seen the way Niall looks at him, how he touches him and smiles a certain way just for him. It’s different.

“Well, they’re going to go off,” Niall tries to joke, smiling widely and Harry just wants to hold him. He doesn’t need to be so happy all the time. “I’m more disappointed that they couldn’t leak the pictures with the better angles. I mean, Could’ve popped my chest out a bit more-”

“Rubbed a bit of oil on your chest to make you glow," Louis adds, reaching over to pinch again at his nipple over his shirt. He laughs, then he's got a careful look on his face suddenly, soft and quiet, and he asks, "You okay, though, Nialler?"

Niall looks a little taken aback at the shift in tone, and he scoffs a bit, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Just some pics. I mean, I would've liked to come out any other way, but. You know, things happen."

"Niall," Liam says softly, and Harry finds himself choked up instantly. Niall's got a habit of doing that, catching him off guard and making him feel too much.

"I'm okay," he tells them, looking at them and smiling. "Don't worry about me."

The other two are much more open with their comfort, Liam taking hold of his hand, Louis slinging an arm around his neck and pulling him near, but Harry isn't sure on how to do anything. Is tempted to maybe pull him into the elevator or broom closet or bathroom and hug him. Hold him close until neither of them can breathe, press soft kisses over his face.

But he knows that he can't do that. It probably won't even help, knowing Niall. So he stays put. Stays quiet, and hopes instead that Niall can see the concern in his eyes.

"Hornet's nest," Louis mutters, a line of suits coming in, looking a little less than pleased and serious, and Harry steels himself for the carnage.

Despite his perpetual state of indifference towards the situation, Harry knows that Niall, sooner or later, will need someone to be there for him and react when he can't. He'd like to be that someone.

*

"I think that went quite well," Louis grins as they walk out of the conference room, close to three hours later.

"I think we've just been fired," Harry says quietly, and Louis tuts at him.

"They wouldn't fire us, Harold," he assures, and they all frown at him. "It could have gone a lot better, yeah, but-"

"They walked out on us, Lou," Liam says, though it doesn't do much to discourage him.

"Just to be dramatic, I do it all the time," he waves off the comment, but Niall speaks suddenly, tone starkly different to the one he used before.

"You didn't have to speak to them that way, I could have handled it," Niall says seriously, and it makes them all pause. "It was me in those pictures, it was my fault-"

"No, it wasn't," Liam says, and he repeats what he had said earlier in the room, "it wasn't your fault. If anyone should be blamed, it should be the dickbag who leaked those photos. What you do in private shouldn't be anyone's business but yours, Niall. You shouldn't have been blamed for anything, and they should have known that."

"You lot are going to get in so much trouble," Niall says, a small scowl trying to disguise itself as a pained smile on his face. "All for some stupid photos-"

"No, we're going to get in trouble because it's for you," Harry tells him then, and it's like the entire building was silenced. He gulps nervously, trying to ignore the way Louis and Liam are staring at him knowingly, focusing in the surprised, overwhelmed look on Niall's face instead. "I. We, we wouldn't let anyone speak to you that way. We'd choose you, every time. We love you."

The words hang heavily in the quiet, and he hopes it wasn't too much. Feels like a declaration hidden in another declaration, and it makes Harry a little embarrassed, but he doesn't take it back.

He looks at Niall, and he's got this quiet, thoughtful expression. When he glances at Harry, it's with a small smile, though it's not the exact one he'd want to see on Niall's face.

He comes forward and pulls him into the hug he's wanted to give him since he's gotten here. Arms wrapped around him tightly, chin tucked in his neck, breathing him in. It catches Niall by surprise, but he hugs back regardless. Harry feels the lightest press of lips on his neck, and he closes his eyes at the somewhat reassuring touch.

Liam and Louis join in a bit later, arms around them and engulfing them from every side, and they don't say anything. Harry knows, feels it in the way that Louis squeezes his shoulder and Liam tucks his chin into his neck, that they know what's been going on between him and Niall. They weren't really trying to hide it, in the first place, but it's been a nice little bubble to live in, for a bit. He wonders, briefly, momentarily, when he and Niall became so obvious, but any thought of it is gone when Niall presses a soft kiss on his cheek.

*

"I'll get you some clothes," he tells Niall softly, holding his hand tightly as he walks them over to the kitchen. Let's him sit in one of the stools in the kitchen island, and kisses his cheek softly. "Do you want anything? Tea, water?"

“Not going to bloody break down in front of you Haz, I’m fine,” he snorts, but he brings up his hand to his lips anyway, kissing his knuckles, and the action makes him a little dizzy. Lightheaded with how gentle it was, and he swallows the _'I love you_ ' at the tip of his tongue. Smiles at him instead, and he leaves to go up to his room.

As he's perusing through his workout clothes, wondering which shirts would be the most comfortable for him, considers how they seem to dress the same way nowadays, he thinks about the pictures. He'd looked so young in them, and he feels bile come up his throat and his blood boil in anger that someone would have the gall to release those. Break his trust. Thinks about the video, and just gets even more disgusted, even angrier. That someone would be so indecent and vile to film him as he did that, without his consent. Much more to show it to the rest of the world.

It makes him want to find. And hurt. But he knows that's not what he needs right now. Niall’s never needed that, someone to defend him. He does more than fine on his own. What he does need is to be there for him. Someone to trust, even though that might be difficult at the moment.

The crash from downstairs brings him back down to earth.

"Niall?" he calls out as he bolts out of the room, bounds down the steps, and runs to the kitchen. "Ni, what-"

"Fucking water," he hisses from where he's crouched on the floor, picking up pieces of broken porcelain, his nice teacups, Harry’s mind supplies. His head bowed down, and Harry doesn’t mention the way his shoulders shake and hands tremble just the slightest bit as it cuts his skin. "Sorry, was trying to make us some tea, you were taking really fucking long, but I held the cups the wrong way and-"

Harry doesn't think twice. Just walks over to him and gets down to the floor to pull him in. Settles between his legs and Niall makes a startled noise, but he holds him close anyway, asks him, “Harry? What’s wrong? I’ll get you new teacups if you want-”

“How are you so calm?” Harry wonders softly. “It’s like, all the feelings you should be having, they’ve been transferred to me. I’m the one who’s upset for you and you’re just trying to hide everything. Why are you hiding it from us? From me?”

Niall stays silent for a moment, and he says quietly, “I don’t really know how to deal with it, so. It’s not that I’m not upset, but it’s done. If I say something about how I really feel, then. I don't know. It might get harder to handle then."

"You don't have to go through it alone," Harry tells him, but Niall shakes his head, laughing darkly.

"You wouldn't understand," Niall replies. "I know you would help, I know it's because you care about me, but it's not like you have to take responsibility for me, you know."

"But it's not like that-"

"I'm not this fragile little thing, Harry," he snaps, and he recoils a split second later, kneading his forehead with his fingers and Harry knew that this would come eventually, but it doesn't make him feel any better. "Shit. I'm sorry. But fuck, you don't understand. You couldn't. I can't do this anymore."

Harry's chest aches at his words, and it makes him realize that just because Niall's been the best at handling the giant that is One Direction out of all of them, it doesn't mean he's completely immune to the shit that happens. Everything's just. Accumulated. Until he really couldn't take it.

"Then help me understand," Harry says, holds his knees, runs his hands down Niall's thighs in smooth motions. Hopes it comforts him even the slightest bit. "Help me understand. Please. I want to help. Even a little bit."

Niall's quiet for so long that Harry thinks he's not going to answer. Almost resigns himself to not getting a proper response when Niall begins to speak, voice so quiet, he almost doesn’t catch any of it.

"I feel like I can't breathe, like. I still love it, every part of it. But sometimes, especially right now, it’s like I can't step out and exist, let alone live," he admits softly, no hint of tears in his voice, but it’s sad all the same, and he squeezes his hands into fists, digs his nails into his palms to distract from the slight sting of the fresh wounds on his fingers from the sharp edges of the broken porcelain cup.

He takes them tenderly, takes great care to not touch the wounds, plenty but none of them deep, and he takes the handkerchief in his pocket out, and dabs gently at the wounds to get the blood out, at the very least.

"What do you need? To feel like living?" he asks him quietly, intertwining their fingers together, ignoring the drying blood on his hands. Kisses the shell of his ear as he waits for him to reply.

It takes some time, but eventually, he answers, "A pause button."

He thinks for a moment, runs his hand through his hair, and he knows what to do.

"Do you want to run away with me, for a bit?"

*

He packs two bags of clothes. Nothing too pretentious, knows he's not going to be seen in public for awhile, chooses the comfortable clothes he has, more for his benefit. Brings along Pig, because he'd promised Nick he'd babysit, and leaves before even the sun is thinking of waking up.

Drives for a half hour out on the highway, wearing a hoodie and a cap and shades, stopping on the side of the road when he feels like it's safe.

He looks back at the back, down where Niall's hiding beneath the seats, Pig cuddled close to him, and he touches his hip to get him moving. Helps him as he climbs over the console to settle into the passenger seat, hand on his back as he sits down, and he's shoved off, Niall not particularly pleased with being made to hide out in the back. Harry had to insist though. Everything was still too fresh, people would ask questions, people would follow. It's not like Harry wanted him to hide beneath the seats, but it was for his safety.

Still. Niall ignores him for the first half hour or so, choosing to stare out of his rolled down window and letting the wind whip through his hair, darker than usual, in need of a retouch of blonde. It aches, a bit, knowing that Niall's the slightest bit upset with him. He just wanted to help, and yet. So he drives, stares at the road in front of him in an attempt to not be so upset.

After a while, though, Niall reaches over to take his hand, kisses his palm, a soft mumbled, "sorry, and thank you," and it's okay again. Harry breathes out, the most subtle sigh of relief he can muster, and he leans over to kiss the corner of his mouth, and Niall already looks calmer. Quiet and more relaxed and not completely alright, but getting there.

He holds his hand as he begins to drive again, to run away with him. Just for a few days. His face still has evidence of his exhaustion, but besides that, he looks. Much more at peace. Still tired, but no longer about to snap.

He drives for hours in silence, and it's a good silence. Feels comfortable and needed, the pull for him to admit his love even more alluring as he watches him lean on his arms on the open window, but he holds it back again. Just let's himself glance at him every so often as he drives and drives.

*

 

They make it to the tiny cottage on the shore before lunch. Barbara's, he'd explained to Niall as he unloaded the bags and got Pig out. She had given him permission to use it whenever because she's never going to go there anyway, key's under the flower with the primroses. He'd never actually taken her up on the offer up until now though. But he knows they won't be disturbed here. It's quiet, no one else around for at least several blocks, and they've got the beach to themselves.

He shows him inside, and it really is small. One room with a bathroom tucked into the corner with thin walls, next to the bed, which takes up most of the space. Table with two chairs right in front of the bed, mostly sitting on the porch area, separated from the rest of the place with curtains.

But it's charming, quiet. Feels exactly like what he hopes he needs.

The small but sincere smile that he gives him confirms that he got this part right. It relieves him so.

Niall sits down on the bed gingerly, looking as if he didn't know what he was allowed to do. Harry drops the bags by the table, unleashes Pig to run around a bit, and he sits down on the chair in front of him. Brings it forward so he's close, and when he looks at him, the exhaustion is back on his face in full force.

"What now?" he asks Harry, looking around the place warily.

"Whatever you want," he replies, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He gazes into his tired eyes and waits for an answer, patient and willing.

Niall's quiet for a few more moments, and he asks him quietly, unsure, "Can I sleep? Just for a bit?"

"Of course," he says with a soft smile, and he helps him get his shoes off, pulls back the covers so he can get under them, and pulls it over his body as he curls into the mattress. He sits next to him for a moment, rubbing his arm, and he sighs at his touch. Feels his fingers curl around his other bicep, and he sits there until Niall falls asleep, and it doesn't take long.

He kisses his cheek, and he holds it in again.

Lets him pause, because he deserves that much.

*

When he gets back, carrying some take-away from McDonald’s, Pig’s licking at Niall's face, and it’s faint, but he can hear him giggling, sees him cuddling Pig close as he scurries in closer.

“How are you feeling?” he asks him, smiling as he deposits the food on the table, with the rest of the food he’d brought back.

“Better,” he says, voice hoarse with disuse, scratching Pig behind his ears. “How long have I been out?”

“Well,” Harry sits down by the table, gesturing to the different bags of food laid out. “That was lunch. That was dinner, and this,” he pats the bag he just brought back, “this is breakfast.”

“Oh,” he mumbles quietly, hiding in Pig’s neck. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he tells him with a soft smile, unpacking the food. “You hungry? Then, I was thinking we can go out to the beach for a bit, after?”

“Yeah, that’d be lovely,” he replies, and he’s still tired. Still looks stressed, but Harry’s beginning to see the light return, little by little.

*

They go out after. Just to the shore, Pig trotting behind them, wagging his tail and barking happily as he’s let out. Harry lends Niall his yellow shorts and a tank top, and he watches him run around in the sand, beckoning Pig to him and laughing as they get wet.

Makes him smile widely as well, makes him laugh and he dares to jump on his back and makes Niall carry him, and he does so. Lifts him up, makes to throw him into the water, and he clings on to him, and he's laughing and looking free and. Free. Spins them around and around and he’s happy, hopes he is too. Hopes that this pause is what he’s looking for.

He sits down on the sand far off from the ocean, and he goes to stand, knee deep in water as he stares off quietly, and it makes him wonder how he must feel. Really. How much this might have affected him, truly. It’s been awhile, since something this bad had happened. A year or so before they began whatever this was, but. This time, it must be different. Must be, because this is the only time anyone did something to purposely cause him pain. Purposely ruin him.

He gets up after he’d given him time, and walks over to him. Twines his fingers with his, runs his thumb over his skin, skimming over the cuts that were still healing.

Niall's hand tightens around his, and Harry leans his head on his shoulder, hoping it's a comforting weight.

*

"Harry, don't be a twat, tuck the cover in,” Niall asks him, glaring at him and pointing over to the duvet on the other end of the bed, and Harry doesn’t know why he’s fixing it when he knows it’s going to be messed up later on, but he does it anyway, but not without a snort.

He doesn't see the other glare he sends over to him, but he definitely feels the smack of the pillow to the back of his head.

“ _Fuck_ , What you do that for?” he frowns at him, tucks away the memory of his beaming face, laughing and playful like it hasn’t been genuinely for quite some time.

“Sorry,” Niall replies, not sounding sorry at all, and Harry feigns a growl when he gets hit again. Grabs him round the middle and Niall laughs, loud and uninhibited, and Harry pulls him to the center of the bed, ruining the sheets deliberately. Hovers over him as he tries to wriggle free, and he dances his fingers on his sides, tickling him and making him laugh even harder, making him squirm even more beneath him, and the sight of Niall looking so relaxed makes him smile.

“Harry,” he whines, trying to get away from him, but he laughs again when Harry slips his hands under the shirt he's wearing, one of his discarded tanks that he doesn't use anymore, his fingers skittering over the skin of Niall's ribs.

He laughs lightly too when he sees him smile so widely, and like a lightning bolt, nothing seems funny anymore. They're both all too aware of their position, his hands on Niall's skin, the way his legs are wrapped around his waist. The fact that he's only in his boxers, Niall's in his shirt and his underwear and that's it. That's their only barrier.

Niall stares up at him, lips slightly parted, eyes wide and dark. His fingers curl around his biceps, Niall’s chest moving beneath him as his breathing quickens, and he almost misses it, but Harry feels his hips arch up, try to grind, almost, against him.

Harry looks at him, and reaches down one hand to slip into his underwear, and Niall gasps as Harry’s fingers encircle his cock, already half hard, rubbing against the head slightly, and he whimpers when he moves his hand further, straining a bit as he tries to tease at his hole.

"Harry," he says again, but his voice is breathier, higher, and it's all he needs. Moves down Niall’s body and places a kiss over the clothed tip of his cock. He pulls the boxers down by the sides, down his legs and Niall kicks it off for him, and he comes back up, spreading his legs as he drags his tongue over his arsehole, across his bollocks and over his erection.

Niall moans, loud and long and high, his hands tangled in Harry’s hair, and he sucks the tip of Niall’s cock into his mouth. Blows him, wrapping his hand around what his mouth can’t take, and Niall babbles above him, shoving his hips down because he knows Harry can take it, and Harry can’t, has to get something inside Niall. Pulls off of his cock and eats him out properly. Licks, then shoves, his tongue in him and fucks Niall with it, licks him out and he’s getting him so wet, and it makes him groan, makes his cock twitch in the confines of his bottoms. Puts his legs over his shoulders, and buries his face in, breathing him in.

" _Fuck_ ," Niall moans, and he glances up. One of Niall’s hands is still tugging on his hair, keeping him where he is, the other hiking the top up, over his chest, and he's pinching his nipple between his fingers as he squirms in pleasure.

" _Christ_." He removes his boxers carefully, not willing to stop fucking his tongue into Niall, only stopping when he kicks off his underwear and moves to help him out of his top. Leans over to reach into the overnight bag he’d brought, dumped at the side of the bed, and takes out a small bottle of lube and a condom packet. Slicks his fingers up quickly and easing a finger into Niall, and he can feel him trembling with want beneath him. All too soon, Niall's hips are moving along with his fingers, pushing forward as he drags his finger back, and Harry swallows at the sight of Niall fucking back on to his hand. It doesn't take much before he's got three fingers in him, fucking in and out and their breathing is much too loud in the tiny room, bounces back on the walls and it's all they can hear and it gets him so, so hard.

He pulls out, takes hold of both Niall's hands in one of his, tangling his fingers with his as he holds their hands over Niall's head, and he pulls on his cock a few times, not taking much to get fully hard, and he reaches over to get the condom, but he shakes his head, letting out a quiet, “no.”

“Niall, I. Are you sure?” he asks him, leaning down to look at him properly. Niall's eyes are so bright, and, it may sound cliche. But he’s glowing.

“I trust you, it’s okay. I want it like this,” he tells Harry, and he can never deny him. Knows that he doesn’t quite have the heart to do so, so he kisses him softly on the mouth, the first since the photos had leaked. Kisses him sweetly and lets him control where this will go.

He moves, guides his dick to where he's open and waiting for him, and he slides in slowly, while he licks into his mouth, and tight, wet heat surrounds him, velvet and incredible. Niall gasps as Harry enters him, hands fighting out of his hold and he clings to his shoulders, nails digging in as Niall throws his head back at the sensation of being fucked.

Harry's pace quickens, and he fucks into Niall with increasing intent, faster and harder as his arse throbs around him, and the sounds he makes. Soft and meant for just him and beautiful, and it spurs him on, makes him thrust into him just a bit harder, just a bit quicker.

He holds his waist, pulls him back to meet his moving hips, and it astounds him. He astounds him, with who he is, with how strong and unapologetically _Niall_ he is, he can't describe it, but it makes him feel so at home. His body, lean and defined and perfect for him, perfect that every muscle just seems to have a corresponding dip or crevice to mold into when he holds him, and the fact that he’s allowed to see him like this. That he’s trusted enough. It makes his heart jump up to his throat, makes him kiss Niall hard, letting himself swallow the noises he makes.

He’ll never break that trust. He won’t ever do that to him.

He pounds in a certain angle, and his reaction is immediate. Niall throws his head back, making Harry's lips drag down his neck involuntarily, and his throat vibrates beneath his skin as he moans, his hands clutching into the meat of his shoulders. Harry grabs on to the headboard and fucks in again at the same angle, and he feels Niall's stomach moving beneath his, his chest going up and down as he gets close, his breathing getting quicker.

“Harry, please,” he pleads, looking at him. “Kiss me, I’m close-”

He does as he’s told, kissing him and bringing one hand down to where they're joined, where his cock is splitting him open, and then he moves to pull at Niall's cock. He barely even touches his erection when Niall clenches around him, moaning loudly as he comes.

When Niall bites his lips, squeezing around him and reaches down to palm at his ass, he knows he’s gone. Whimpers into his mouth as he releases in him, rabbits into him as he comes down, and Niall holds him, anchors him as he does so.

Harry holds back another ‘ _I love you_ ’ when he looks at Niall, sees him staring back at him and smiling quietly, softly. Kisses every bit of his skin that he can reach instead.

*

The phone wakes him up.

Makes him groan in exhaustion as he reaches over to silence it, but it’s a call, not an alarm like he initially thought. Groans again as he hides his face in Niall’s neck, snuggling close to his body and hiding his face in his neck, ignoring his ringing phone.

“Harry, fucking hell, get that, would you,” Niall whines tiredly into his pillow, patting the arm Harry had wrapped around his waist , and they both groan when the phone rings again.

“Fine,” he mutters, stretching out over him to get it, kissing his neck quickly as he gets out of bed to answer the call. Pulls on his underwear and walks out the porch to answer on the beach, Pig following close behind him.

He glances down the caller ID, and the name that shows up makes him pause. Makes him apprehensive, all of a sudden, plunging him back down to reality, from where he’d been floating in an amazing, slow, quiet, freedom. But he knows he can’t ignore it, so he steels himself, and answers the call with a quiet, “Hello?”

“ _Hello Harry_ ," Bobby Horan answers, voice warm but strong regardless, a strong undercurrent of a natural protectiveness a father would have swims beneath it, guiding it. “ _Been quite some time._ ”

“Hi Bobby,” he says, walking down to the shore and letting the waves just kiss his bare feet. Watches Pig run around it a bit, barking and yelping as he gets wet. “How are you?”

“ _I’m fine, but I'm sorry, I didn’t call for pleasantries, this is an overseas call and it’s quite expensive, so I’ll get right to it_ ,” he answers, quick and Harry can still hear the slight smile in his voice, but it's not as strong, sounding a little curt and the slightest bit impatient. More business-like, maybe. “ _Is he with you?_ ”

He knows it would be unwise to lie to him, so he says, “He is.”

“ _Okay, okay_ ,” he says, and the slight serious tone is gone. Is replaced instead with a relieved sigh, a slight crack as if he were expecting the worst and the worst didn’t come and the beginnings of happy tears were just about to break. " _Alright. Where are you?_ "

"We're. We're fine, we're just taking a few days off," he replies, feeling awful but not willing to relay more information. Doesn't want to do anything that may upset Niall. Like revealing where they are to a person he might not want to see, at least, not yet. Not until he's really okay.

" _Are you not going to tell me where you are?_ " he says, the protective tone in his voice back in full force. " _Harry, that is my son. I appreciate everything you've done for him, I'm sure he needed this, but he can't stay there forever. He's not weak, he doesn't need to be coddled-_ "

"I know that," Harry says, assures, "I know, and I swear, Bobby. If I were half as strong as he were. But sometimes, he needs a pause button. I just wanted to help."

" _And I'm sure you are, but Harry, I haven't heard from him since the pic- since everything. I just want to see if he's alright,_ " he says quietly, and it makes Harry's heart ache the slightest bit. " _You can't hide away there forever_."

"We don't plan to," he says, watching the sun start to set on the horizon. Feels his heart race a bit faster. "I promise. Just until he's really okay, then we'll come back."

" _I know you're in love with him, Harry_ ," Bobby says and the words catch him off guard. He'd never admitted that out loud, but. " _But you have to be smart. You can't just whisk him away expecting things to fall into place when they're not alright. He loves you too, but you know things aren't great right now._ "

"Bobby," he mutters, a strange feeling swirling in his chest as he tries to absorb what he just said. How he just seemed to know that he was in love with his son, when he could barely admit it to his own mother, that he just seemed to deduce it from the way he treated and acted around Niall. How he knows his son well enough to tell him that the feeling was actually reciprocated, and the thought alone makes him so, so happy. But it is true. That everything isn't alright and nothing is fixed and he shouldn't expect them to fixed, not for a while.

" _We want to see him,_ " he says quietly. " _His mother is worried. Greg as well. Wants to see he's okay. We all do_."

"I promise that he's getting there," he tells him, truthfully. Doesn't like the feeling of denying the father of the boy he loves, but he wants to move at Niall's pace. Will wait for him until he says he's okay. "He just needs more time. Please let him have that."

He's quiet for a few moments, and all he hears are the waves in front of him, lapping at the sand and it makes his feet sink deeper into the ground. Pig comes up to him, settles by his feet, and he looks so peaceful. Wishes he feels the same. Wants to be back on bed with Niall.

" _That's my son, Harry. I trust you_ ," is what he replies, and he knows that this should be counted as a victory. Knows that out of all the people in Niall's family, his father is the most considerate, the one he's closest to, so him acquiescing somewhat is a win in itself. " _But Harry. Please. Just tell me where you are, for my peace of mind. I promise I'll give you some time. I just want to know where you are._ "

Harry doesn't know what he should do, but he tells him anyway. The gentle ' _thank you_ ' he gets in return makes him feel the slightest bit better, reminds him that he's done something right, that this is what's best for the situation. Bobby would never do anything to purposely hurt his son.

He walks back quietly to the cottage, ushering Pig back to his little cot, and when he looks over to the bed, Niall's sitting up, watching him. Looking tired but radiant nonetheless,eyes bright and so so blue, and Harry loves him so. But he looks apprehensive, curious and a little scared. Eyes the phone in his hands, then glances up at him.

"Was that me da? Or Greg? Or," he asks him, tone quiet yet it reverberates in the small room.

"Bobby," he confirms, leaning back on the table's ledge as he looks down at him. "Wanted to know how you were. Where we were too."

"Did you tell him?"

"I did," he replies, watching Niall's face fall slightly, breathing in as he resigns himself to his fate. "But I asked him for some time. I bargained a few days, for you. Until you felt like you could breathe again."

"You told my da that."

"Was I wrong to do so?" Harry asks, an uncomfortable feeling creeping up on his chest. "I'll get you a week, if you need, let me go call him back-"

"You bleeding idiot, that's not it, I'll make do with a few days," he says. "I just. Why? Why are you doing this all for me? Why do you care so much?"

"Does it bother you?" he asks, unsure. Doubting suddenly the words from Bobby's mouth, though he knows them to be true.

"No, it's just. Overwhelming, like, I don't understand why you'd go through that effort," Niall tells him, closing eyes. Like he can't quite believe that someone would do so much for him. Harry can't quite believe that he doubts that there are several million people who would give him the world, if he asked. More so for the fact that he doesn't quite believe that Harry would rush to be the first one to give it to him.

"I'd do anything for you, you know," he tells him shyly, leaning down and resting his forehead against his. "Anything."

"Why? I'm not perfect, I've done things, I've been caught doing things," he asks, and Niall has never been small in Harry's eyes. Never will, but in that moment, he wants nothing more than to hold him and kiss him until his troubles all melt away and fuck off.

"I don't care, that wasn't your fault," he says firmly. "I've done things too. I don't care that you're not perfect, because I don't want perfect. I want you, your soul, your incredible mind and heart."

He doesn't hold it back, this time. "I love you. That's it. That's the only reason that matters. I love you."

Niall stares up at him, eyes bright but not really surprised, just overwhelmed, and he clutches at Harry's forearm. Tilts his head up to accept the kiss Harry offers him, and he sets him back on the bed, kissing every inch of him that he can.

He removes Harry's bottoms with surprisingly steady hands, and he calms him. Harry sees him open his mouth several times, as if Niall were begging himself to say it back to him, but he can wait. He understands, he’ll wait for him, and he throws the cover over them, stroking his cheek in what he hopes is a comforting gesture, and he settles on top of him.

“What do you want to do?” he asks Niall softly, nuzzling his nose to his.

Niall snorts at him, but gives him the smallest, most endearing smile regardless, kisses him quickly, and answers, “Whatever you want.”

It throws him off guard. All this time, he’d been letting Niall set the pace she wanted, did whatever he wanted to do, and it was more than enough for him, but being given the direct permission to be with him the way he so wanted, it overwhelms him.

So Harry asks Niall to fuck him, shy and a little nervous because he knows it will feel different this time. Niall actually tops, more often than Harry chooses to, but it just is a different situation now. Where his feelings are known and in the open and it's quite scary, but also, really isn't.

They have slow, quiet sex that night. It must have been at least an hour and a half before Niall even penetrates him, and they’d both come already at that point. Niall fingers him, slow and sure and careful to bring out those noises he makes, angling to make him arch off the bed and bare his neck to him when he moans, and Niall latches on to his pulse point. Soothes the bites over with his tongue to will the marks away, even though Harry wants to keep them there.

Harry had gone down on him again, and Niall guides him, holds his face as he lets his cock slide into his mouth, down his throat until Harry couldn’t take more, and he fists at what he can’t take into his mouth. He closes his eyes as Niall brushes the hair off of his face, feels him physically tremble as he forces himself to not just shoves himself into Harry's mouth, so Harry makes it easy for him. Bobs his head up and down, looking up at him the entire time, and it encourages Niall to just fuck his mouth. The look of adoration in Niall's face, something akin to love, makes any words, even noises, get stuck in his throat, so he just gazes back as he takes in the cock in his mouth. Stares at Niall as he swallows around him and make him come down his throat.

He doesn’t remember the video at all. He doesn’t want to, just remembers this man, someone's he's known for so long, trust him unquestionably. He will remember this.

When they do eventually fuck, they’re both so relaxed. So completely comfortable and trusting with one another, that Harry sighs in relief when Niall enters him. It's slow, a little warm with the body above him and molding itself to his body, fitting perfectly in every way, and he knows that they belong together. He has no doubt that there is no other place he’d rather be, than here, with him, away from the world and what everyone would say. There are no cameras here, no well-meaning but unwanted bandmates, no reps with no business being there other than to harass a victim, nothing but them.

He's fucked carefully, with measured thrusts and languid rolls of hips, feels palms hot on his waist as he's sure that his burn on Niall's chest.

Burns in it, will burn in it for however long he’ll be allowed.

Niall comes soon after, thrusts rougher and quicker but still careful, and after he goes down on Harry and eats him out. Makes Harry come on his tongue in his arse and Harry makes the cottage shake with his moan, his hole tightening around the Niall's tongue and he's eaten out for all his worth, until he whines in sensitivity. Niall comes up to kiss him sweetly, snog the life out of him, and they fall asleep soon after, without dinner. Feels like he could survive skipping a meal, when he curls up to Niall, stealing his heat, and he doesn’t mind at all.

*

He wakes up alone, sheets still slightly warm beside him, and it makes him pause. Thinks if Niall's left him behind, but looks over and sees his phone and wallet still on the nightstand, and it relieves the slight pressure in his chest. Must be in the bathroom.

He pulls on a new set of shorts, and gives Pig some water and a bowl of dog food that he'd brought along with him, and when he gets back up, he sees Niall walk back into the room, wearing his tank again. Only. With dark hair, no sign of the blonde he'd been so accustomed to for so many years, and it really does bring out the blue in Niall's eyes, makes it so bright and beautiful. But it's new. It suits him, though.

Niall stares at him, eyebrow cocked as if asking him to challenge him, and he puts down on the table a pair of scissors and a box of dye he must have snuck out to buy from the nearest town, and he beams at Harry, shaking his head to flaunt his new hair color as his hair flies.

He stares at him for a moment, and he smiles, walking over to him and pulling at his locks. Niall laughs when Harry audibly purrs and cops as he plays with the dark brown hair on his head, and Harry cups his face in his hands, ruffles his hair, and leans up to kiss the top of his head. Kisses along his hairline as he scrunches up his once-again dark hair in his hands, kisses his neck. Kisses him on the mouth for good measure as well, and pulls him in for a hug.

Niall sighs at his hold, kissing, then biting, at his clavicle, making him grunt, and he laughs again. Melts into his arms, and Harry falls a little bit more in love with him.

*

"I don't understand what's happening," Niall mutters, huffing a bit when Harry shuffles a bit on his back, the sheets strewn over them both. He's lying on his stomach, staring at the small telly screen at the EastEnder's rerun. Must be years, maybe even decades,  old.

Harry’s lying on top of him, blanketing him, his chin tucked into his shoulder and their legs tangled together, his chest oddly comfortable on Niall’s back, his hips weighing down on his arse, a strange anchor he quite likes. It's a little bit of peace, and he quite loves it.

"I don't either, this show will run forever, I'll never catch up," he replies, smiling when Niall turns a bit to poke, then kiss, the dimple on his cheek.

The peace is disturbed when he hears the distinct rattle of keys on the door, turning the knob, and he instinctively rolls them over, hiding Niall by pulling him to his chest despite Niall’s protests and the rude words directed to him, and baring his back to the direction of the door, and he pulls him close to him, calling out to the intruder, "You're not welcome here, leave before I sue you for trespassing-"

"Harry, you bloody moron, a bloody shack in the middle of nowhere-"

Harry looks over his shoulder at the familiar voice, sees Niall's jaw drop as he leans up on his elbows to stare at Louis, looking unimpressed at the doorway.

“How did you-”

“Bobby Horan really, really wants to see his son."

Harry's quiet for a moment, then, "I asked for a few days," he says, feeling a little betrayed. Feels Niall slump in his embrace.

"And he gave it," Louis replies, staring them both down and making them too aware that they're both naked, but he covers Niall with his body, drawing the covers up. "Christ, Niall, running away from your dad, and you, Harry, indulging him-"

"It was my idea, Lou," he says quietly, but Niall pipes up,  

"I'm sorry I'm not as great at handling the shit that happens to me, Louis," and he sounds indignant and angry and just the slightest bit hurt. It's a foreign sound to Harry. "I'm not running away from anyone. I just needed time to breathe, you know that feeling more than anyone."

"Jesus, Niall, of course I do, you act as if we don't care about you," he says, sounding short and not in the greatest of moods but Harry sees the soft look in his eyes, caring and quiet. "We know that this isn't your fault. I won't lie, I was shocked when I saw the pictures and the video, but we don't care. And your dad. He knows that you're an adult now, and that what you do behind closed doors isn't his business. But Niall, you should have heard him when he called us up. He just wants to know if you're okay. We all just want to see you okay."

Niall doesn't reply, just glares at Louis and holds his ground. Harry feels him grope around, looking for his hand, and he slides his hand into his waiting palm, squeezes to let him know he's there.

"He knows it's not your fault," Louis says, softer and gentler. "We only care about your welfare. Let's just talk, for a bit. Please?"

Niall stays quiet, and Harry strokes his hair, tries to comfort him, and Louis isn't cruel, he's often ridiculous but never cruel, but he's decided he's waited enough, and asks, not unkindly, but definitely firm, "Harry, if I could have a word with Niall."

"I," he tries to begin, wants to say, ' _I'll leave when he wants me to leave,_ ' but Niall seems to know what's in his mind. Speaks for him instead, voice shaky sure and firm.

"Don't drag him into this. He did nothing wrong. He was just helping me."

"This is helping you?" Louis looks at them hard. "Bringing you out here where you're blocked off from the world and ignoring your problems by staying in bed all day and having sex before and after every meal? God, you don't solve anything by hiding away and fucking! This isn't going to help you!"

"Who are you to tell me this isn't helping? Because as far as I know, this is the first time I've felt like I could actually breathe in months," he yells back, rising up slightly to send a blazing look at Louis. It takes Harry and Louis both by surprise, because Niall's never been one to show his anger by shouting. Maybe snark and thinly veiled insults, but he doesn't raise his voice. Never at Louis, either. "I can breathe with him. I'm here because I want to be. Don't blame him for anything."

"I'm not trying to, _christ_ ," Louis sighs, kneading his temple in exasperation, and Niall's words ring in Harry's mind. Makes his chest feel tight and makes him hold him closer. "I’m sorry. Harry, I’m sorry. I know you’re good for each other. But please. I need some time alone with Niall. Nialler, can we just talk. Please."

Harry looks back at Louis. Sees the pleading look on his face, so concerned and full of love and care, a look that he only directs at Niall because he'd never admit it, but Niall was always Louis's favorite, even with Harry in the picture early on, and he knows the look well. Sees it on his mother’s face, his sister’s face, much too often, and he knows, somewhat. To feel so much love for someone, to just want them to have the best in the world, see them alright. He won’t deny Louis that.

“Niall,” he whispers quietly in his ear, “I think you should-”

“Harry, I swear, if you finish that sentence,” Niall turns to glare at him, but it looks panicked, a little distressed, and he feels his heart ache, but he stands his ground.

“I promise, I’ll be right outside,” he tells him, taking his hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. “Just talk to him, he’s just here to see that you’re okay.”

Niall stares at him, the hard look on his face disappearing and replaced with something sad, and he kisses his cheek quickly, sitting up and gathering Niall's warm body in his arms and embracing him tightly. Niall holds on to him, snakes his arms around his middle, and he feels the hitch in his breathing rather than hear it, feels Niall's chest heave slightly, and he kisses him quickly. Looks over his shoulder to see that Louis had looked away thoughtfully, staring at the view outside of the window instead, and he takes his leave. Puts on his discarded shorts, and he kisses Niall again.

“Right outside, okay? You’ll be okay,” he promises him, and Niall looks at him, eyes bright and scared, but he knows that Niall believes him. Trusts him, and he won’t take it for granted.

He makes to leave, putting on Pig’s leash and he walks past Louis, but he touches his arm lightly, and it makes him stop his movements.

“Thank you, Harry. Really,” he tells him quietly, sincerely, and the words make him choke up, so he nods and walks out the door before either he or Niall see him break. Closes it behind him and walks to the small front garden, holding on to the wall as he breathes, tries to get himself together.

Pig, for once, sits next to his feet, quietly, nosing at his leg as if in comfort, and Harry takes it. A poor substitute for the man he loves.

*

He sits by the shore for what seems like a few hours. Pig walks around the sand for half of it, but settles in his lap the other half and sleeps as he pets him behind the ears.

"A fucking shack in the middle of fucking nowhere," someone speaks suddenly, and he startles, looking up and seeing Louis standing next to him, staring at the ocean. "You're such a twat. But. I don't think I ever told you properly. Thank you for being here for him, in the way neither Liam or me could."

"It was no problem," he says quietly, looks to the horizon as well. "I'd do anything for him. You know that."

"I do."

Louis stays quiet for too long. Just stares out with his arms crossed across his chest, and he sighs. "I've been instructed to get him to an airport. I'm sorry."

He doesn't know what to say. Bites his lip and can't really quantify or put into words the emotions swirling through his veins.

So he gets up, waking up Pig in the process, nods to Louis with a quiet, "Excuse me," and he makes his way back to the cottage.

He enters to see Niall dressed in the clothes he came here in, fixing the comforter with his newly dark-again hair curled just the slightest bit at the tips, wavy and looking so gorgeous. Pig trots away to his little corner, seemingly indifferent or ignorant to the tension in the room, and Harry stares at him, though Niall doesn't look back.

"Suppose Louis'd booked your ticket already," he says quietly, watching him sit down on the bed he'd just fixed.

"I'm going for my family," he replies, looking at his lap. "But Harry, these past few days were exactly what I needed. I felt like I was living again. But. My dad is right. We can't hide out here forever."

"I knew that," he says, and he wishes Niall would look at him. "But I just wanted to help."

"You did," Niall looks up then, and his eyes are shiny. Wide and bright and sad. "You helped, so much. You gave me a pause button when the disk was skipping. I needed it, you've no idea. It's not completely fixed, but I feel like the rest will play without much problem anymore."

"So that's what I am to you," he scoffs bitterly to himself, hunching in on himself and crossing his arms  "I'm just a pause button-"

"No, Harry, no," Niall says, moving closer to him and touching his forearm. It's a testament to how much Harry loves him that he doesn't move away. "You're so much more than that. You're everything. You know how I feel about you."

"Then why don't you say it?" he asks, tempted to shout, but he doesn't, just stares at him, and he feels the hurt leaking out in his words, across his features. He does know how Niall feels. Thinks he's known for quite some time, but he doesn't understand why he won't say it back to him. Knows he can feel it whenever he touches him, whenever he looks at him, whenever he speaks to him. He knows, but he doesn't understand why he won't say anything back. He knows, he knows he would wait, but after everything. After these past few days away from everything. He thought it would change things.

"It's harder than you think," Niall says, sounding quiet and a bit sad, and Harry wonders just how many people will be making Niall feel shitty this week. Bites his tongue when he realizes he's added to that list. "But I do-"

"Niall," he begins, and this is much more painful than he had bargained for. Just wanted to run away for a bit, give him the rest he deserved. "I love you. You know that. I'm scared, because this is new for me. I want this to work, I want us to be a proper us. I want to be with you, and I'm willing to go all in, but if I'm waiting around for nothing-"

"You're not," Niall says quickly, shaking his head desperately. "You're not, I promise."

"At least meet me halfway, you know?" he tells him, and it makes Niall looks at him. And he looks so betrayed.

"I'm not meeting you halfway. You don't have to compensate for whatever you think I can't give, I know what I feel," he says firmly. "I have more than enough for both of us. So much it spills over."

"Then why don't you just tell me?" he asks him softly, and he feels like crying.

They look at each other for a few moments, and the words hang between them.

"Nialler, let's go," Louis opens the door, looking expectantly at him. Looks to Harry apologetically, but Harry stares at Niall. Wills him with his mind to say something.

"Give me a minute, please," Niall pleads quietly, and Louis pauses at the door, making Harry think that he won't budge, but to his surprise, he closes the door behind him, and they're alone again, but the air is different now. It feels final, and Harry doesn't like the feeling at all.

"You know," he starts out quietly, slumping back down on the bed, and he looks tired again. "You were the only one I'd ever do this for."

"What? To drive off with, hours from civilization, and sleep with every other hour while a dog that's not even mine sleep a few feet away?" he says, thinking it might be too harsh and too soon a joke to make, but he smiles, a small one but one all the same.

"Run away with," he answers, sounding so clear and sure. "Run away and just be with. No looking back. Just. Us."

The words surprise him, and he stares at Niall, because he doesn't know what to say. Feels the same way too. Knows that despite this moment right now, he doesn't regret anything. Knows that this was the best thing he'd done for a long, long time.

Niall looks down at his lap, pale skin suddenly flashed red, and he says quietly when the silence stretches on, "I'm sorry. I'll just get out of your hair-"

He stands, makes to walk past him, but Harry grabs hold of her hand. Locks their fingers together, and he holds him. Pulls Niall to him and embraces him tightly. So tightly. Feels him melt in his arms, the tension leaving his body as he slumps against him, hiding his face in his hair as he holds him back.

"Take care of yourself, Ni," he says quietly, his voice as tight as his chest when the words slip out of his mouth. It feels like an open-ended goodbye, but they can't lie to themselves. He'd been told that things wouldn't just magically fix themselves, and here they are. Not in any way fixed, just like Bobby and Louis had said. So he won't lie, won't kid himself that he'll come back, surely. It will take some time, but he knows now. He'll be waiting, he will wait for him.

"I'm sorry," Niall begins to say, but that's not what he wants to hear. He doesn't owe him that, for any reason. Doesn't need to apologize because Harry's a twat.

He shakes his head, smiling tenderly at him, and he leans down to kiss him softly. A little bittersweet, and he says, "I'll see you soon. I love you. That won't change."

Niall's face crumples, but he nods, kissing back, and it's when Louis chooses to return to the door, looking genuinely sorry for interrupting, but he says, "I'm sorry, we have a return flight to catch-"

"See you," he tells Niall, one more kiss on the corner of his mouth for good measure, and he looks at him, looking so unwilling to leave, but he beckons him over to Louis. Gives him one more smile as Louis locks their arms together and walks out the door.

Niall looks back to him as he's dragged away, and Harry stares back. Stares until he's long gone and all he's looking at is an open door, and he realizes how alone he is. How lonely this small cottage is, and everything compounds in him at once, overwhelming him and he collapses to the bed, begins to cry silently, Pig trotting over to lay his head over his feet on the floor, because if he cries loudly, the sound would just bounce back to him in the tiny space. Just make him feel emptier than he already does. Makes him realize realize just how much he wants him, hopes that Niall can convince himself to acknowledge that he wants him too.

*

Niall had arrived for the set in Edinburgh, but left right after before anyone could talk to him. He had seen Bobby watching by the sidelines, and to his surprise, Greg, looking proud and maybe the slightest bit tired, but they looked happy. Tired from the flight in but happy, watching Niall work a crowd, so skilled and amazing, but once The show was done, they had whisked him away and he had no opportunity to see him. To meet them.

He hadn't had any idea where they had gone, and where they had went. But the crowd had cheered for him louder. Showed him more love, and it's not that it surprises him, but it warms his heart, all the same. That they knew he was much more than what a picture or video could try to ruin.

And the rep had been wrong. Incredibly wrong. People came in droves, filling every seat in the stadium up to the rafters, people screaming from the nosebleeds, people showing that they were here for the music, and for him. Not to speculate, not to heckle, not to jeer. Just support and show an incredible amount of love.

*

Harry, Louis and Liam are back in the studio, have got another week off until their next date for the tour. Julian and Louis were fucking around with a new melody, and it sounded pretty sick, but Harry couldn't get over the fact that they were using 'twat' and 'wang' as placeholders.

"Don't change the lyrics, this is brilliant," Julian laughs, just when Liam chimes in with a, ' _Show me that flick o' that wrist, make it rain_ ,' and it's making his head hurt.

"I will not sing about jizz, Liam," Harry mutters, huffing when Louis pantomimes a blowjob, poking his cheek with his tongue exaggeratedly. "These words aren't final, right?"

"I don't know, I'm getting quite attached to it," Louis yells, bopping his head to the spontaneous beat that Julian messes around with on his laptop. "Imagine. One Direction's new single, _'Wanker, Fucking With Myself.'_ "

"Jesus, Louis."

They all turn to look at the new person chiming in from the door, and Harry feels his heart race and his chest expand when he sees that it's Niall, looking like he'd gotten a good few square meals in him, much more rested and. Happier.

"Ayyyyyy," Liam yells loudly, and he attacks him with a full body hug, squishing him tightly. Niall laughs, only slightly as his voice is muffled between Liam’s arms.

"Neil," Louis greets him with a beam, leaping over to give him a kiss, but Liam won't let up, so he just joins in on the hug and stretches over to slobber all over his cheek.

Harry stands, but doesn't really make to come closer. Watches them hug Niall until he's laughing, begging for air, and he doesn't know what to do. How to act, what to say, how to feel. Knows he's happy, seeing him again, looking so at peace and just. Better. But it's still quite strange. Of course, he'd kept in contact with him while he was off, while he was away, but after those three nights in the cottage, things have felt different. He knew there was a shift in their dynamic, not in any way bad, but very new. He had no idea on how to handle it, now that his feelings were in the open, and Niall still keeps his close to his heart.

Niall catches his eye, and he gives Harry a small smile, the kind only meant for him, and it makes his heart soar. He gives one in return, and he decides to come join in on the hug. Comes closer, but Liam stops him, pushes his palm on to his chest and says playfully, "You know, you're getting your own special hug, let us have this one, yeah?"

Harry blushes, sees that Niall does too, but he steps back, and they hug him even tighter, squeezing from every side, and they let go, the two of them laughing when Niall comes out a little disheveled and his skin tinged red.

Niall glances up at him, face nervous and shy, but he smiles again, and Harry's so fond, so endeared. So in love, but. He gathers him in his arms and pulls him into a tight embrace, hiding his face in his neck as Niall snakes his arms over his shoulders, breathes him in.

It feels uncomplicated. Simple, like this is the easiest thing. Like his body knows that this is where it's meant to be, to be near Niall, to be with him. He kisses his cheek, and Niall kisses his neck, and it feels like home.

"Should we leave?"

An audible slap to the back of a head, and a whispered, "Lou, don't be a twat," follows, but it’s enough to get them to separate, cheeks pink and eyes shyly stealing glances at each other, but Niall keeps their hands clasped between them, ignoring the snickers and knowing grins the others are giving them and he pulls them over to the couch, sitting at the end.Harry settles beside him, thigh pressed right against his, and Niall stares the boys down, and, miraculously, they leave them alone, going back to messing around with the harmonies and lyrics of the song, asking him of what he thought while ignoring Harry completely. Niall’s suggestion of _‘If only I could go down on myself_ ’ makes it to the lyrics.

Harry stays quiet aside from the occasional suggestion for note changes and hooks, glaring at the lot of them when they ask him for suggestions on the words, and they’ve got an almost complete song by the end of the day, still full of profane lyrics he will lobby against, and he’s thinking about bringing Niall over to this little coffee place he’d been to once, hole in the wall, just to talk, but as he’s getting up to leave, as the others are, Julian turns to Niall with a grin on his face, saying, “I’ve got a pretty good mock-up of your song, Ni. Still really rough, but I think we’ve got a good sound going.”

“Yeah?” he remarks, standing up as well and going over to him, and Julian offers him a pair of headphones, and once he’s got them on, he plays something on his laptop. They all pause in their movements, confused and curious, staring at the sudden interaction, and it’s strange, somewhat. Unexpected, surely, and when Liam glances in his direction, eyebrow quirked in question, Harry doesn’t know how to respond to him.

Julian and Niall are quiet for the next few minutes, and then he’s removing the headphones, eyes glassy and he’s laughing, the sounding a little choked and overwhelmed, saying, “Oh, Julian, you got it. Exactly what I was looking for.”

“You don’t think it’s a bit too quiet?” he asks him, and Niall’s shaking her head, smiling warmly.

“No, I love it like this,” he says, hugging him briefly and tightly. “Thank you so much, this was such a favor.”

“It was a pleasure, beautiful song,” he says, and he looks at Harry with a small smile on his face, knowing and Harry doesn’t know what’s going on. As soon as Niall untangles himself from him, he asks him, “Do you want to try adding some vocals?”

Liam somehow senses that this wasn’t meant for his ears, or Louis’s, so he clears his throat and announces, “Think me and Lou will go now, grab some steak from Tesco or something-”

Before Louis has any chance to complain, Liam’s grabbing his arm and they’re leaving, leaving Harry and Niall alone with Julian, who watches them with a coy smile on his face

“Want to hear it, Harry?” he asks, looking over to him and the smile widening just the smallest bit.

“Um, it’s very rough,” Niall says before Harry can reply, “I’m still trying to work it out, and-”

“I’d love to,” he says, smiling softly at Niall, and he goes to sit next to Julian by the soundboard.

Niall stares at him, looking a little nervous, and Harry has no clue on how to react. But he gives him another smile, tries to reassure him that he wants to hear it, and it must work, because Niall makes to go into the booth.

“Can we do just one run?” Niall asks Julian, taking the headphones for the booth. “I don’t know if I want to release it anytime soon, but it would be nice to have a copy, a demo of sorts.”

“Plan on giving it to another artist?” Julian asks, he shakes his head in reply.

“This one’s for me,” he says, and he looks directly at Harry as he says it, and his heart races that much quicker.

Niall enters the booth, headphones on, and he gives Julian a go signal, prompting him to click something on his laptop, and [an audio clip begins playing](http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlPqLLKHmSo), a dreamy sort of piano that echoes, and then, more instruments come in, but it’s soft, feels like floating, makes him feel like. Like he’s not here, really. Like he’s back in a cottage, away from here, breathing and living.

“ _Don’t tell me so, I know_ ,” he begins to sing, his voice ethereal and soft, much softer than he’s used to hearing from him, but beautiful, it’s beautiful, vocals dream-like. “ _Don’t try to fight, hold tight. Don’t be afraid of what we made, love is always right_.”

It’s a slow song, almost a ballad, and it’s so different from what Harry would think Niall would write. But it sounds so distinctly him, anyway. Sounds honest and genuine and Harry loves it already.

“ _Oh baby, baby, baby, put me in my place, ‘cause if you’re gone then I don’t want to see another pretty face_ ,” he croons, eyes closed as he feels the lyrics. “ _Oh darling, darling, darling, try to get away, or find a secret place where we can stay_.”

The verse makes his throat close up, his chest get tight. He realizes what the song is about, and it makes his eyes sting with unshed tears, and he watches him, meets his gaze as Niall opens his eyes and finds him.

“ _Honey please, honey wait, you’re the only one who makes me wanna run away_ ,” Niall sings, directly to him, voice strong and steady, but his gaze tells a different story. His eyes are shiny, and so, so bright as he serenades him. “ _Honey please, I’ll reveal all the love I’m trying so hard to conceal_.”

The words warm his heart, makes him want to open the door and hold him, but he stays where he is, feeling Julian’s eyes on him, but his stay on Niall. Listens to him sing about those few days away from everything, when everything had changed and he had admitted how he had felt about him. Where Niall had trusted him, fully and genuinely, where he realized how important he was to him. It makes his head spin, and his heart burst with everything he can’t really put into words. He loves him so, so much.

He sings a few more verses, and only when he closes his eyes again as he begins the last chorus does he look quickly at Julian. Julian stands next to him, soft smile on his face as he listens to him sing, somewhat complete the identity of his song, and when he catches Harry’s eye, the smile doesn’t quite widen. Rather, grows fonder, and Harry really fucking appreciates him, at the moment. For doing this for Niall.

“ _All the love I’m trying so hard, all the love I’m trying so hard, all the love I’m trying so hard to conceal_ ,” he finishes, and it’s dead silent for a moment, then Julian, presses the intercom button, and tells him, “Amazing. Thank you, that was a privilege.”

Niall smiles at him, and Julian turns to Harry, and then he leaves, hiding his smile and his knowing look terribly as  he calls out his goodbye over his shoulder, and he and Niall are eventually left behind. He stays still, Niall stays still, and they watch each other from either side of the glass.

He comes back in, slowly and shyly, and he says, “What did you think?”

Harry looks at him, and says in all seriousness, “How does your brain think like that? Like, I constantly wonder. How do you do it? How is it like, having such a beautiful mind?”

Niall laughs at the words, but Harry can see him blush all the same. He asks him, “Is that song about. When we ran away?”

Niall nods, comes closer to hold his arms. He holds his waist in response, and Harry says quietly, “I didn’t know it meant that much to you.”

“It meant a lot to me because you mean everything to me,” is Niall’s reply, and it makes Harry hold him tighter, pull him close. Makes him lean down and hide his face in Niall’s neck, breathe him in and try to disappear in that moment. Just live in it as fully as he can.

They stand there, quiet, for several moments, before Niall comes closer, turns his head so they’re looking right into each other’s eyes. The proximity makes him dizzy. “I love you, you know. It’s late, and I don’t know if it even matters anymore, but I really do love you.”

Anything he had wanted, planned to say gets stuck in his throat. Any tightness in his chest, any leftover pain or ache, is replaced with a lightness, a warmth he associates with home and love and it feels like it should be.

It overwhelms him, the words, and he closes his eyes again, leans his head to rest on Niall’s, and after a few moments, he says, “Never too late. You will always matter. I love you, so much.”

He hears him laugh, the sound a little wet and choked, realizes that he may have started crying, but before he can even check, his head is tilted up and Niall’s lips find his, meeting in a soft, gentle kiss.

And the touch. The moment. It feels like everything settling back to where it should be.

He with Niall. Niall with him. As it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> 'Beyond the Lights' wasn't what I expected it to be. It inspired the bulk of this fic, and while I think it could have been better, it was a film I don't regret watching.


End file.
